Fasten Your Seat Belt

Friday morning, Meredith and I will board a plane and head back to Houston to Texas Children's Hospital. She will be seeing a pediatric opthamologist for her left eye, as it is seemingly getting worse instead of better. Even as I type this post, I can feel the anxiety level rise in me as all of the emotions return from the roller coaster I was so happy to depart from...

I prepare myself mentally by researching and questioning all of the possibilities of what Dr. Stagekuller might say. I honestly believe that one of the reasons that I was so shaken by Meredith's possible diagnosis earlier this year was because of the sheer unexpectedness of it all. We were so caught off-guard by everything Dr. Clark (the original doctor that diagnosed Meredith's hemangiomas) said that I can just remember putting my hand up and asking him to "stop talking for just a moment" while I sat down and caught my breath. I have told Cody on countless occasions since then that I don't EVER want to feel that way again...about anything.

And so began this journey with God of letting go and trusting. I can research and question, prepare and ponder, but the bottom line is that I will never be able to control what that doctor, or any other doctor, will ever say about my daughter. I will never be able to control what path this journey takes me down. It has been an emotional trip so far, but one that has showed me nothing less than His complete FAITHFULNESS. I am, indeed, so grateful.

Friday morning, that flight attendant is going to ask me to buckle my seat belt. I will be happy to oblige, because with any good roller coaster, all you can do is cling to your Father, close your eyes in the scary parts, and most of all, hold on.......