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Dear Man in Charge of Junk Email,

I am writing to tell you that I am no longer interested in receiving your emails. It seems like every time I open up my email account, anxious to receive some note of value and pertinent information, I am aghast to see that I do not have anything in my "inbox" besides Victoria's Secret emails...and I assure you, it's NOT because they need my just-had-my-third-kid-in-four-years body to model for their semi-annual sale. I do not need anymore GNC vitamins to kick in the energy I once had and have recently decided to try in the pill form, and FunJet Vacation emails are just cruel and unusual punishment for this slave-to-the-gasoline-bill,-Suburban-driving mama that can't bring herself to buy a minivan. If I had time to entertain, then yes, your Crate and Barrel ads would be of benefit as I decorated my outdoor furniture with matching utensils and dinnerware...but my backyard has been taken over by all the stuff I've bought from One Step Ahead, as I receive their emails almost daily. Apparently, they have worked. So all this to say, please unsubscribe me from your email list so that I will not be tempted to buy the nursing bras you just sent in your last ad...I'm not of the opinion that I need to nurse my baby until she's three, but I appreciate the option.
Sincerely,
Claire, Greg, and Meredith's Mama