Life is Sweet in Sweetwater

Dear Residents of Vards Lane:

It is with mixed emotions that I write this letter to inform you that any plans you had prepared to defraud your insurance company into paying for that cracked windshield by blaming it on our construction vehicles will no longer be legit. You see, we have made the difficult decision to, in fact, purchase a home in another part of the city, instead of spending an extra $30,000 on the marital therapy that it was inevitably going to require to accomplish the difficult task of building our new home. As much as we love each other, and the philosophy of "enriching" our marriage through "challenging life experiences", we personally do not believe in marital suicide, and therefore are choosing life instead.
We would like to believe that the Lord himself has intervened in this entire process. We have prayed fervently for Him to show us His path and will for our lives, and we have felt called to another location. Please do not take our decision personally, as we would have loved to have had all of you as neighbors. I believe we have met all of you in the last few weeks in one occasion or another. My personal favorite was the nice lady who lives at the end of the street that greeted me as my bank teller. I simply asked for a cashier's check to take to the title company to pay for the lot...she so graciously interrupted with, "My stars...you're the ones building a new house on Vards Lane! Welcome to the neighborhood!" complete with a rather large hug. While it was, indeed, a quaint moment, I must admit that I wondered how many of those moments would be shared over a rather large bowl of potato salad at every neighborhood 4th of July picnic in the future.
In closing, our prayer is that another family will be called to this location and you will soon have more neighborhood children in which your children may run amuck with. Until then, feel free to stop by our new home on Morris Avenue anytime after the 1st of December.

Best Wishes,
The Paty's